I thought I’d let that last post sink in. I hoped it got you started asking questions.
About two posts ago, I mentioned how I had learned that I had identified a fear of criticism in my life. I would like to tell you a little more about what I have discovered since then. It has been very enlightening to me, perhaps it will to you as well.
Since I learned about this fear, I’ve been confronting it, learning about it and doing my best to overcome it.
I’ve learned some ways to overcome fear, such as facing the fear, learning about the fear and being prepared. I’ve also learned that others who don’t have the fear can help us face it more easily. This has been a real help.
Of course, there has been a downside as well. Since I’ve learned of this fear, I’ve been experiencing it more explicitly. In the past, I simply unconsciously avoided it. I was constantly frustrated as to why I couldn’t do certain things, but I was completely oblivious to the answer. Now I know the answer, but that hasn’t magically made the fear go away. Now when there are things that would trigger that fear, I am conciously feeling the fear. I am very aware of the anxiety I get when I try to face it and there are still many times when I find myself incapable of doing certain things, but at least I know why.
As bad as that may sound, it has actually been a bit of a blessing too. I am now very keenly aware of how this fear has been preventing me from accomplishing a number of things and I am seeing other fears in my life that are very related to it. They include a fear of success and a fear of choice.
I noticed that today actually. Because I have been facing my fear, I’ve all of a sudden found myself finishing all sorts of things that before seemed to be unfinishable. I was noticing something, however. I noticed that whenever I would finish something I would start to feel very uncomfortable. I wondered why I felt so uncomfortable and the answer that popped into my mind was that now I had to decide what to do next. I certainly have plenty to do, that’s not the issue, the issue is deciding which thing is the highest priority. All of a sudden, this fear of criticism started taking hold of me again. What if I pick the wrong thing. What if the choice I make turns out disastrous, or costing me too much time. What if what I think is important isn’t what my boss thinks is important. I dreaded trying to figure it out and the consequence was that I was getting paralyzed again. It occurred to me that so many times that I was not reaching success in my life was because once I reached that success, the comfort of the task I was familiar with would go away and I would be required to decide on something that I was less familiar with and the consequence could be something worth ridiculing.
I don’t think I had ever been so conscious of all the “what ifs” that have been floating around in my head over the past few decades.
Anyway, I picked up on a couple more fears through all of this, too. I didn’t believe it before, but I think I have a fear of poverty and death. For a long time I’ve felt like I can’t wait until it’s time to leave this world. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suicidal or anything and I have no intention of hurrying things up, but it occurred to me that at some basic level, this fear of criticism is actually backed by a fear of the likelihood that if people don’t like me I will end up impoverished and likely die from starvation or the elements.
In the school of philosophy, this type of argument is known as a slippery slope (there’s actually a more technical term for it, but I think this is easier for most to understand). I thought I was above it, but apparently not. Since I don’t really know what poverty is like, I find that I fear it. There certainly haven’t been many pretty pictures of it on TV or in the movies. The way it is portrayed, you would think that people in a state of poverty can never have any happiness. I realize that in many ways I have come to stereotype the poor. Even though I’m certain it’s not true. I hate to admit it, but when I think of poverty, I get images of people who are thieves, gamblers, drug addicts or alcoholics. I’m sure these exist in that population, but I’m aware that there is no class that is immune to these types of people. Look at how often a well respected politician, actor or business owner is found to have done these very things. Why do I fear them less?
In any case, resolve to diminish and, if possible, eliminate these fears and stereotypes from my life. I will not accept any temporary defeat in this endeavor as permanent failure. I will either succeed or die trying.
I hope this post inspires others to take a hard look at their own lives and become aware of their own fears and face them and conquer them.
bye for now
