I remember, some time ago, hearing about a custom in Persia (now known as Iran), where rug makers would intentionally add a flaw to the rugs because, “Only God is perfect”.
I remember thinking at the time. How egotistical to think that if you did not add that flaw to the rug that it would somehow be even remotely close to a reflection of the perfection of God. I know that the thought behind it is one of true respect, but it still bothered me.
Lately, I had noticed in myself, how unworthy I feel to be a part of God’s creation. I was keenly aware of my faults and I had been having a difficult time letting go of them. I know that I have many perfections, however, the faults seemed to grab my attention.
It’s really strange. I can forgive nearly anyone for nearly anything. I also believe that God fully forgives me for all the mistakes I’ve made. Despite all this, the one person that I could not seem to forgive, was myself.
So the other night, I was feeling really good for some reason and a light seemed to go off somewhere in my head. I thought to myself, why do I have such a hard time forgiving myself? Why do I simultaneously hold myself to such a high standard, but also feel as if I can never actually reach that standard? It occurred to me that, at some level at least, I felt that if I’m okay, if there is nothing wrong with me, then somehow I would be ignoring my imperfections and making myself an equal with God.
I find the irony of this line of thought really amusing. My whole intention is to express more humility and respect for God, but the reality is that somehow it would appear that I am guilty of the very thing that I thought was so absurd about the rug makers. It seems, that if I somehow believe myself to have some sort of flaw, then I am not interfering with the perfection of God. How egotistical to think that even if I could achieve the perfection I am looking for, that it would in any way compare to the Glory of God. I think I must confess that it could do nothing but affirm God’s greatness.
Well, guilty or not, I finally find myself more able to forgive myself and it feels pretty good.
